You could probably find negative things to say to your child all day long.  All of them "deserved" and none of them effective in helping your child want to cooperate.

"Aren't you ready yet?... You'd lose your head if it wasn't on your shoulders... How many times have I told you?... Pick up your things... Stop that right now... You're wearing me out... Don't start with me... Leave your sister alone... Are you listening to me?... I  said NOW!... What part of NO don't you understand?"

This critical voice comes from fear. That may seem odd since what you probably feel is frustration or annoyance. But it does come from fear, meaning fear that your child isn't growing up okay, or won't turn out okay, because either you or your child isn’t good enough.

That’s your inner critic talking. Its job is to keep you on your toes, fending off any possible bad outcomes. Unfortunately, happiness is not in its job description. And regardless of what your inner critic tells you, it isn't always right. Either about the ultimate outcome or about what you should do right now.

So when you open your mouth to criticize, take a deep breath and reassure yourself: "They're acting like a kid because they ARE a kid."  Then, start over. Find a way to say what you need from your child, but with love and encouragement.

No matter what your child does, you have a choice about how you react. You're not a saint. No parent is, and no parent is empathic all the time. But when we pay attention, we usually find we can eliminate much of the drama and upset in our homes just by managing our own emotions. 

Even better? Our child gives us the benefit of the doubt on those less frequent occasions when we do get upset.

Here's the news blast.  Finding fault with kids doesn’t help them change.  (Not surprising, really. Does it help you change?!)

Children, like other humans, grow and change when they feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and respected. That lets them drop the need to defend themselves. It makes them want to cooperate. It allows them to learn and grow!

So if you want your child to be their best self, catch them doing things right all day long -- including all those things that you think it's about time she did right!

• Notice all progress in the right direction, even if it isn't perfect. ("Thanks for picking up your things with only one reminder! I really appreciate how you got up and did it.")
• Instead of evaluating her as a person ("You're a good girl!"), say very specifically what you appreciate. ("I like how you apologized to your friend. That took some courage.") 
• Enjoy your child for who they are ("I loved watching you play soccer today!") rather than trying to make them into someone better. ("You should have played harder so you could have scored a goal.")  Think they could do better? That's the coach's job. Your job is to keep their love cup filled so they can blossom.
• Find a way to see your child positively. Things we see as bothersome are the flip side of strength.  ("I love that you have so much energy!")

Imagine this as the soundtrack of your child's day:

“I love how cheerful you are in the morning. It makes me happy to wake up."

"I noticed how nice you were to your sister last night."

"I love it when you brush your teeth without being reminded."

"I notice you're working so hard on that."

"I know that's disappointing, but I see how you keep trying. Soon you'll get it every time."

"Don't worry, Honey, nobody bats 1000."

"I loved watching you pass the ball."

"Hey, you figured that out yourself!.

"You're such a great hugger and snuggler."

"One of the many things I love about you is how you always give the dog lots of attention."

"How did I get to be so lucky as to be YOUR parent?"

Wouldn't that help your child want to be his very best self? 

What we pay attention to is what flourishes. Every time you appreciate your child, every time you love something about them, you are giving them the clear message:  More of this, please. They will grow accordingly.

Adapted from https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/catch-your-child-doing-something-right

Is it easy? Yes.

Is it fun? Also yes.

Is it messy? It could be. 😆

Don't let that stop you though! Cloud dough is a totally unique sensory experience that's so fun to customize. Your little ones are going to have a BLAST!

Whip up a quick batch. It's a super easy dough recipe that is perfect for hours of creative play! Download the recipe now.

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See how tasty science can be when you try a couple of new recipes with your kids - no-fail bread in a bag, pancake poppers, or no-cook PB&J tacos. Practicing following directions and measuring ingredients helps children learn important math skills and science concepts.

Bread in a Bag  

What you’ll need: 

 
Pancake Poppers 

What you’ll need: 

  Mini muffin pan
  Cooking spray
  1 1/2 c. flour
  2 tbsp. sugar
  2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
  1 tsp. baking soda
  1/2 tsp. salt
  3/4 c. milk
  2 tbsp. maple syrup
  2 tbsp. butter, melted
  1 egg, lightly whisked
  1 tsp. vanilla extract
  1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

Directions: 

 Source: Delish.com

The crisp autumn air is just around the corner. Help your little one learn and grow through exploration and play.

Anoka Preschool and Family Place Early Child Family Education (ECFE) and preschool staff shared a variety of awesome autumn activities to try this season. 

Introduce your child to new sensory experiences.

• Dance, jump and crunch in the leaves.
• You can visit an apple orchard or pick up your favorite apples at the grocery store. Talk about the differences and similarities between the apples – whether they are red, green or yellow; if they taste sweet or sour; or if they feel hard or soft. If you are really brave, let your child's finger paint with applesauce!

Talk about numbers.

• If baking tasty fall treats is a favorite family pastime, measure the ingredients together. Babies can play with measuring cups and spoons, and you can practice counting with your toddler or preschooler as you measure and prepare your treat: 2 cups of flour, 1 cup of sugar, 3 pinches of cinnamon! Show your child how many fingers each number looks like.
• It’s likely too early to let your baby, toddler, or preschooler carve a pumpkin – but let them squish and squeeze “pumpkin guts” instead. Afterward, line up the seeds and count how many you found.

Move your body in new and different ways.

• Paint pumpkins – with a brush or fingers! This is great for babies to develop shoulder mobility. Cut off the top of the pumpkin and hand your child a spoon or small shovel to scoop the insides out.
• Let your toddler or preschooler “hammer” golf tees into a pumpkin. This helps your child practice hand-eye coordination and fine motor development. Either leave the tees in the pumpkin for decoration or pull them out to let the light from a lit candle shine through.
• Spread peanut butter, sun butter, or honey onto a pinecone, and then use your hands to roll it in birdseed. Hang it from a tree or shrub that you can see from indoors and watch the birds stop by for a snack.

Tell stories.

• Grab a bag and go on a scavenger hunt! A favorite activity to do is to collect items on a nature walk – leaves, sticks, acorns – and then make a collage at home. It’s easy to place those items under a piece of paper, and then rub a crayon over the top to see the texture of each item. Relive the adventures of the day by talking about what happened first, next, and then last. Understanding the sequence of events is important for young children as they learn how to read.
• Visit your local library to find new books related to harvest, apples, pumpkins, or leaves. Children enjoy seeing pictures and hearing new stories.

Most importantly, there is value in just doing things together as a family – any time of year.

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When it comes to the little person in your life, try using compliments that reflect self-esteem and confidence.  From appreciating their creative side to how far and fast their strong legs will carry them, here are 15 nice things to say to your child today (and every day).

1. I love how hard you worked hard on this project, and how you stuck with it even when you got frustrated. Focus on how they overcame the challenge and what they accomplished.

2. You make the world a better place just by being in it. And if anyone thinks otherwise, it’s their loss!

3. Don’t let mean kids tell you what to think of yourself. Your self-esteem belongs to only you.

4. I’m so happy you’re in my life. After all, wouldn’t you want to hear that from someone you love?

5. Isn’t it great that your strong legs can help you run super fast? Praising the things a child can do with their body instead of noticing how it looks will help them appreciate, and strive for, a healthy lifestyle.

6. I love the color combo you’ve got going on today, it’s very creative! Nice things to say to your child doesn't have to focus on just looks. Compliment your child on their outfit when you focus on their creativity, rather than how pretty or handsome they look.

7. You are a kind person. Compliments for children that focus on kindness, courage, and honesty will go far in building self-esteem.

8. I’m really impressed with how you solved/built/created that. Can you show me a thing or two?! Praise your child for their critical thinking and problem-solving prowess, and nurture their interest in all things STEAM.

9. I think you are a great leader. One of the best things you can do for your child is showing them that being a leader isn’t just “being bossy.”

10. I am proud of you. Because kids need to hear this from their parents.

11. Just be yourself. It’s enough. Children today are being told more and more that they aren’t enough, and it’s time to break the cycle and instill confidence.

12. Your ideas are important, and I want to hear them. Children need to know their ideas are awesome and worth sharing.

13. Your bright smile shows me how happy you are. Your child usually smiles for a reason, and when you notice, it’ll make them even happier.

14. Your inner beauty and kindness shine through your personality. Your outer beauty is an added bonus.

15. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you can change the world. Because they can and they will!

Adapted from http://redtri.com/compliments-you-need-to-give-your-daughter/

Mental health affects the way people think, feel, and act. Taking care of our mental health is just as important as having a healthy body. As a parent, you play an important role in your child's mental health:

• You can promote good mental health by the things you say and do, and through the environment you create at home.
  
• You can also learn about the early signs of mental health problems and know where to go for help.

How can I nurture my child’s mental health?

•  Help children build strong, caring relationships:
  
• It’s important for children and youth to have strong relationships with family and friends. Spend some time together each night around the dinner table.
  
• A significant person who is consistently present in a child’s life plays a crucial role in helping them develop resilience. This person—often a parent or other family member—is someone your child spends a lot of time with and knows they can turn to when they need help.
  
• Show your children how to solve problems.
  
  
•  Help children and youth develop self-esteem so that they feel good about themselves:
  
• Show lots of love and acceptance.
  
• Praise them when they do well. Recognize their efforts as well as what they achieve.
  
• Ask questions about their activities and interests.
  
• Help them set realistic goals.
  
  
•  Listen, and respect their feelings:
  
• It’s OK for children and youth to feel sad or angry. Encourage them to talk about how they feel.
  
• Keep communication and conversation flowing by asking questions and listening to your child. Mealtime can be a good time for talking.
  
• Help your child find someone to talk to if they don’t feel comfortable talking to you.
  
  
•  Create a safe, positive home environment:
  
• Be aware of your child’s media use, both the content and the amount of time spent on screens. This includes TV, movies, the Internet, and gaming devices. Be aware of who they might be interacting with on social media and online games.
  
• Be careful about discussing serious family issues—such as finances, marital problems, or illness—around your children. Children can worry about these things.
  
• Provide time for physical activity, play, and family activities.
  
• Be a role model by taking care of your own mental health: Talk about your feelings. Make time for things you enjoy.
  
  
•  In difficult situations, help children and youth solve problems:
  
• Teach your child how to relax when they feel upset. This could be deep breathing, doing something calming (such as a quiet activity they enjoy), taking some time alone, or going for a walk.
• Talk about possible solutions or ideas to improve a situation and how to make it happen. Try not to take over. 

 
Mental health disorders can prevent children and youth from succeeding in school, making friends, or becoming independent from their parents. Children and youth with mental health disorders may have trouble reaching their developmental milestones.

The good news is that mental health disorders are treatable. There are many different approaches to helping children and youth struggling with emotional or mental health problems. Contact your pediatrician for support and possible referral.

Source: University of MN Birth to Three Clinic & Early Childhood Mental Health Program

Don't you remember squishing, rolling, sculpting, molding . . . young children love to play with playdough. Have you ever made homemade playdough?

    
ECFE Playdough Recipe

Mix together -
2 cups flour
1 cup salt
4 teaspoons cream of tartar
 
On top of dry ingredients, add but DO NOT STIR -
2 tablespoons oil
4 tablespoons hand lotion
 
On top of oil and hand lotion, pour -
2 cups boiling water
 
Stir all together. Let dough sit for about five minutes. Knead when cool enough to handle.
 
To color with Kool-Aid: add 2 pkg. unsweetened Kool-Aid to dry ingredients.

To color with food coloring, add with lotion & oil.

Store play dough in a plastic zipper bag or lidded container.

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*Learn about the Anoka-Hennepin Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) outdoor spaces for classes and Playtimes at the end of this article.

In the midst of families’ busy schedules often filled with sports and other activities, it is sometimes often hard to fit in time to just play outside or visit a park.

Did you grow up, freely playing outdoors and climbing trees? If you did, you’ll likely agree that you want your child to enjoy those experiences as well.

Today, however, many children do not have a backyard or anyone to play with. And then, as a parent, you worry that you have to stay outside to keep them safe - but what about dinner or those emails that you wanted to answer?

So many children spend much of their time indoors. As a result, by the time a child is in elementary school, given a choice, they actually prefer to stay inside.

Our grandmothers were right: Kids need fresh air and exercise. We all do. Research shows that children (and adults!) who spend time outside in nature are:

• Calmer - Fresh air soothes the senses. This is particularly important for children who are more sensitive to stimulation.
• Happier - Studies show sunshine, fresh air, and physical activity encourage good moods and reduce tendencies toward depression.
• Healthier - Children who don’t get enough time outdoors can be vitamin D deficient, which affects healthy eye function.
• Better students - They have longer attention spans, less frustration, and do better in school. It’s all that oxygen to the brain.
• More creative - Outdoor play is often less structured, so kids exercise their imaginations as well as their bodies.

So what’s the answer to our nature-deprived lives? Getting outdoors! We know that usually kids won’t be able to be outdoors without parents. So parents need to get outside, too. 

Anoka-Hennepin Schools ECFE teacher at Sorteberg Early Childhood Center, Jessica Fabb, says, “For a young child, everything is new—even the tiniest things are interesting and exciting.” Fabb teaches classes in the outdoor classroom at Sorteberg, which is full of natural possibilities for adults and children to explore together.

Here are two quick ideas for outdoor play from Fabb:

• Set up an outdoor space that is inviting, and spend time there with your child. A sandbox, wading pool, swing, climbing structure or garden will keep your child entertained for hours. If permanent structures aren’t possible, think temporary: A tablecloth tent or a bucket of water with funnels and cups, or a shovel to dig a hole you can later refill.
• Spend time as a family in nature -- hiking, playing tag, biking, or simply walking together to a local park or just around the block. It allows your family to regroup and get back in sync. It makes wonderful memories.

Lastly, “Don’t forget to ask open-ended questions when you are outdoors with your child,” says Fabb. “You may just be surprised with the enjoyment you both have while being in nature together.”

If you're stuck for ideas, here are the additional suggestions that Fabb shares for family outdoor fun.  

1. Paint sidewalks, the house, rocks, and trees with water! Give each child a cup or small bucket of water and a brush. Then, just let them go to town painting. It's cheap, easy, and fun. And it will entertain them for a long time.
2. Bring some of your child's favorite toys outside: dinosaurs, blocks, vehicles, etc. Playing with them among the grass and plants brings a whole new element of fun to their play.
3. Fill a plastic storage bin with water and different cups, small plastic containers, or pitchers. Even the smallest bin or bucket of water will keep my preschoolers and toddlers happy, splashing, stirring, and pouring for hours. You can even add a few drops of food coloring to make the water your child's favorite color.
4. Also with water, make "soup" with water and any nature items found in the yard...twigs, leaves, pinecones, etc. Mix and stir then pretend to have lunch.
5. On a sunny day, use chalk to trace your child's shadow on the driveway. Make several tracings, and then see if your child can fit his shadow back inside the tracing.
6. Chalk is also a great way to draw a road or racetrack on the driveway you can run, bike or scooter on. Make traffic signs to stop and go. A smaller track can also be used for toy cars and trucks.
7. Go on a nature hunt with a magnifying glass. Have your child look closely at bugs and plants.
8. Take it outdoors! Enjoy a snack and read stories on a blanket on the grass instead of indoors. If it's a book about nature or birds, take time to look around or listen to see if you have some of the same things in your area.
9. Use outdoor pillows and a sheet or blanket to create a fort, a castle, or a tent - creating a magical space that they will want to live forever. You don't have to be a child to enjoy a blanket fort!
10. As the sun begins to go down, use flashlights or glow sticks to explore your yard.
11. Have a carwash with trikes or scooters with soapy water and sponges.
12. Visit one of the many nature centers in the metro area - many have free activities on weekends. (Wargo Nature Center, Springbrook Nature Center, Eastman Nature Center, or Coon Rapids Dam Visitor Center)
13. Create a nature scavenger hunt and have your child look for something that flies, something that crawls, something green, something soft, etc.

*Anoka-Hennepin Schools Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) is fortunate to have two outdoor spaces for classes and Playtimes - Riverview Early Childhood Center and Sorteberg Early Childhood Center.

Riverview Early Childhood Center which is located in Brooklyn Park has a great outdoor playground as well as a greenhouse and garden area which families enjoy in a number of classes throughout the year. Sorteberg Early Childhood Center is located in Coon Rapids and has a beautiful outdoor classroom that is utilized year-round ECFE classes as well as Family Playtime sessions.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a condition that takes many forms and can remain undiagnosed for long periods of time.

• Approximately 70% to 80% of women will experience some form of the ‘baby blues'.
• One recent study found that 1 in 7 women may be diagnosed with postpartum depression in the year after giving birth.
• As with all forms of mental health conditions, early recognition and treatment of postpartum depression can lead to better symptom management and faster recovery rates.

Immediate Support


• Mental Health Crisis Texting (24-hours a day)
  • Text MN to 742741
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
  • 1-800-273-8255

  • 1-888-628-9454
    Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio
• Suicide Prevention Hotline:
  • 1-800-SUICIDE

• National Postpartum Depression Warmline:
  • 1-800-PPD-MOMS


Additional Information & Support for Perinatal Depression/Anxiety


• Pregnancy & Postpartum Support Minnesota
: 
  • (612) 787-PPSM or (612) 787-7776
• Mother-Baby HopeLine at Hennepin Healthcare: 
  • (612) 873-HOPE or (612) 873-4673
• Postpartum Depression
• Postpartum Men

• Postpartum Progress


The simple truth about potty training is that if the child is ready, it can happen very easily. If not, a power struggle may begin -- and no one wins a parent-child power struggle. 

Moving from diapers to using the toilet independently is a natural process. Set up conditions so your child can learn. Your goal is to make it as easy and effortless as possible. Think of this as a process of learning that unfolds over time, like all other learning and mastery.

Here are a few tips for potty training from Parenting Educator, Kari Kurtz.

1. Educate your child - Teach them about the process by reading children's books, letting them watch you use the potty, and talking about the steps. Change their diapers in the bathroom, dump their poop in the toilet and let them flush it down to show them where it belongs. All of these steps will help them get familiar with the process for when they are ready to begin.
   
   
2. Look for readiness signs - Watch for signs like hiding to poop, disliking wet or soiled diapers, wanting to please adults, ability to pull pants up and down, staying dry longer, wanting to use the potty. The more readiness signs your child has, the quicker the potty training process will go.
   
   
3. Let your child lead - Ask your child if they want to sit on the potty each time you change their diaper. If they say no, agree without argument. Instead of forcing your child to sit on the potty, give them choices and let them know that when they are ready, they can try. This can eliminate power struggles and future constipation issues. 
   
   
4. Praise efforts - Praise your child for all efforts of the potty training process. You decide whether you want to use incentives or rewards, but overall keep it positive and let your child know that you are proud of them in any step they take. Be patient with potty accidents and let your child know they will have another chance next time.
   
   
5. Make it comfortable - Potty training can sometimes be a scary and worrisome experience for children. Offer lots of possible ways to get comfortable- a potty seat, a child-size potty, or a kid-size urinal. Take the potty chair along with you in the car for ease as you begin or put some sticky notes in your diaper bag to put over the flush sensor in public bathrooms. These will eliminate any bad experiences in public that might create setbacks.
   
   
6. Know that it will happen - Be assured that your child will be using the toilet independently before kindergarten! The average age of being toilet trained for boys is 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 for girls. Your child will do it when they are confident and ready!
   
   

As you consider your potty training options, remember that each child is different. Choose potty training techniques that you feel comfortable with, and don’t hesitate to drop techniques that seem to upset your child.

Annually, October 15, marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and October as a month is set aside to bring awareness to the families whose lives are forever altered by the death of their children during pregnancy, birth, or in infancy. We are taking this time to remember, support, and surround the one in four people who have experienced this heartbreak. 

The loss of a child stays with parents, friends, and family members forever, but it can be challenging for others to truly understand the emotional and physical impact. We have gathered some local and national resources to share.

Immediate support


• Crisis Intervention Assessment (Mercy Hospital): 763-236-7911
• National Postpartum Depression Warmline: 1-800-PPD-MOMS


Additional information and support 

• Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Minnesota
• Missing Grace Foundation
• Pregnancy & Infant Loss Group- Maple Grove
• Grief Support – North Metro Coalition - 763-413-2985
• Star Legacy Foundation
• Shoshana Center
• IRIS
• Faith's Lodge
• National Share
• Pregnancy After Loss Support
• Return to Zero Healing Center

Parents of all backgrounds can talk to and guide their children about race early and often by lifting up age-appropriate activities that can be incorporated into their daily lives. We hope these tips provide some support for families committed to building tolerance, racial equity, and a social culture where all kids and families can thrive.

1.  Start early.

• By six months of age, babies notice racial differences. By age four, children have begun to show signs of racial bias.
• Let your child know that it’s perfectly okay to notice skin color and talk about race. Start talking about what racial differences mean and don’t mean.

2.  Encourage your child.

• Encourage your child to ask questions, share observations and experiences, and be respectfully curious about race.
• Expose your child to different cultural opportunities – photographs, films, books, or cultural events, for example – and discuss the experience afterward.
• You don’t have to be an expert on race to talk about it with your child. Be honest about what you don’t know and work with your child to find accurate information.

3.  Be mindful.

• What kids hear from us is less important than what they see us do.
• You are a role model to your child. What you say is important, but what you do - the diversity of your friendship circle, for example - is likely to have a bigger impact.
• If you do not live in a diverse community, choose books and toys that include people of different races and ethnicities. Visit museums with exhibits about a range of cultures and religions. 

4.  Face and know your own bias.

• Let your child see you acknowledge and face your own biases.
• We’re less likely to pass on the biases we identify and work to overcome.
• Give your child an example of a bias, racial or otherwise, that you hold or have held. Share with the child things you do to confront and overcome that bias.

5.  Know and love who you are.

• Talk about the histories and experiences of the racial, ethnic, and cultural groups that you and your family identify with. Talk about their contributions and acknowledge the less flattering parts of those histories as well.
• Tell stories about the challenges that your family (your child’s parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and great-grandparents, others) has faced and overcome.

6.  Develop racial-cultural literacy.

• Develop racial-cultural literacy by learning about and respecting others.
• Study and talk about the histories and experiences of groups we call African Americans, Latinos, Asian Americans, Native Americans, and whites, among others.
• Be sure your child understands that every racial and ethnic group includes people who believe different things and behave in different ways. There is as much diversity within racial groups as across them.

7.  Be honest.

• Be honest with your child, in age-appropriate ways, about bigotry and oppression.
• Children are amazing at noticing patterns, including racial patterns (who lives in their neighborhood versus their friends' neighborhoods, for example). Help them make sense of those patterns and recognize that bigotry and oppression are sometimes a big part of those explanations.
• Be sure your child knows that the struggle for racial fairness is still happening and that your family can take part in that struggle.

8.  Tell stories.

• "Lift up the freedom fighters," and tell stories of resistance and resilience.
• Every big story of racial oppression is also a story about people fighting back and "speaking truth to power." Teach your child those parts of the story, too.
• Include women, children, and young adults among the "freedom fighters" in the stories you tell. A story about the racial struggle in which all the heroes are men leaves many people out.

9.  Be active.

• Be active - don't be a "bystander" on race.
• Help your child understand what it means to be, and how to be, a change agent.
• Whenever possible, connect the conversations you're having to the change you and your child want to see, and to ways to bring about that change.

10. Plan for a marathon, not a sprint.

• It's okay to say, "I'm not sure" or, "Let's come back to that later, okay?" Then, do come back to it.
• Make race discussions with your child a routine. Race is a topic you should plan to revisit again and again in many different ways, over time.

Source: https://www.embracerace.org/resources/teaching-and-talking-to-kids

Here are three tips to help you navigate the tough situations that come along with bad days. 

1. All behavior is communication.

First, all behavior is communication. Maybe your child is frustrated. Or tired. Or overstimulated. Maybe they are mad. Or lonely or scared.

Just like Alexander in the classic children’s book, they may be having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Children oftentimes are not able to tell you exactly what’s going on, but their behavior can make it clear that something’s up and, as their parent/caregiver, you need to try to figure out what it is.

2. Stay calm.

Try to stay calm. Not sure how to stay calm? Try pushing a pause button and step away from the situation for a moment.

You could escalate the situation and yell, or you can deescalate the situation and come to it with calmness. And since you are the adult in the relationship, it’s your job to choose to deescalate.

Your two- or three- or four-year-old definitely won’t do it. They have no clue how to. And at this point, they probably wouldn’t, even if they could.

3. Their behavior isn’t a reflection of you

Try to remember, that when your child acts out it is not a reflection of you or your parenting skills. They’re just having a bad day. And we all have bad days, so it’s okay.

Their behavior is a reflection of their mood, their emotions, and their maturity. Your response is a reflection of your mood and your emotions.

None of us are perfect, there will be times when we don’t react how we may have liked. Own it, apologize and help your child learn from it. We can all have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.

Sleep - or lack of it - is probably one of the most-discussed parenting topics in our Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) classes. Our parenting educators share some simple strategies to put the most common bedtime problems to rest.

• How much sleep is enough?
  • Babies (birth to 6 months) need 14 to 16 hours, equally divided between day and night.
  • Babies (6 to 12 months) need around 14 hours with nighttime sleep increasing.
  • Toddlers (1 to 3 years) require 12 to 14 hours of sleep; daytime naps decreasing to one hour.
  • Preschoolers (3 to 5 years) need 11 to 12; regular naptimes usually end around age 4.
  • School-age (6-10 years) need 10-11 hours of sleep.
• Look at your daily routine. A good night’s sleep begins in the morning, with the decisions you make. Establish a regular wake time and maintain it within a 30-minute window seven days a week. Establish regular meal times. Meals set the body clock. Get outside for exposure to morning light and exercise. Establish a regular bedtime.
• Protect naps and do not wake your child from naps. A tiny toddler, less than 19 months of age, typically still needs two naps every day. The first a mere two to two and a half hours after awakening. The second about three hours after the first one ended. Older toddlers are ready to go down about four to four and a half hours after waketime. Preschoolers will last an average of five to six hours before they are ready for their nap. Miss the window for a nap and the odds are high that your child will get a second wind and not sleep.
• Know the sleep cues. There are three levels of sleep cues. Level one, red around the eyes, droopy cheeks, a glazed look is when to put babies under nine months to sleep. Level two includes the yawn, eye rub, stumble, little difficulty listening, or remembering rules – but still happy and indicates when to put down all other children. Do NOT wait for the second yawn. If your child is wild, crying, nothing is right, and can’t settle she has hit level three and is overtired. Begin your routine earlier.
• Simplify your bedtime routine so it can be completed within 20-30 minutes. Observe closely after bath and reading is your child calm or more alert? If these activities alert complete them earlier in the evening or day. A sample routine is a bedtime snack, toileting, teeth brushing, pajamas, one book, or no book, cuddle, kiss, hug, prayer if you choose, and good night. When you hit the window for sleep your child will fall asleep within 25-37 minutes. If it is taking longer, look first at your daily routine – move bedtime earlier, or later as needed.
• If your child is “wired,” slow down the routine, but maintain the steps and the order of the steps. Do not “add” more. 
• If your child needs touch, such as a back rub, or you are near her, feel free to do so. Establish the limit that if she is lying down you rub her back, or lay next to her. If she gets up, you go and sit at the door. She can still see you, but for you to come back, she needs to lie down. Remove all toys from the room. Once she is settling easily you can gradually shorten the time you stay. If you choose to co-sleep and everyone sleeps well, it’s working for your family. 
• Avoid electronics. The light and stimulation from electronics can trick your child’s brain into thinking this is time to be awake. Even infants and toddlers, who are not watching, are affected by the light and movement on the screen.
• Know your child’s cry. Some children do cry before falling asleep. But the cry is not one of escalating distress. Instead, it is a de-escalating, letting go. If it goes on for more than five minutes or begins to escalate go back and offer comfort. 
• If your child has been falling asleep easily and suddenly is not, know this is a red flag that something is up. Stop and think about what could be causing her to feel stressed? Is she near her birthday or half birthday and going through a growth spurt? Has fighting between parents increased? If this is the case expect to provide more soothing calming for her to sleep. This is not forever; it’s for now, during this stressful time. Addressing the feelings and needs behind sleep disruption will allow your child to fall asleep peacefully.

Tips for parents and caregivers on talking to kids about scary or tragic events.

One of the biggest challenges for parents is explaining to children about bad things that happen. An Anoka-Hennepin Schools Early Childhood Family Education Parenting Educator shares, “We cannot prevent bad things from happening or stop our children from hearing about tragic events, but how we model our reaction is key to helping children learn how to deal with these types of difficult situations throughout their entire life,” 

So how do you talk to your children about violence, death, and other issues that are often difficult for even adults to handle? Our parenting educators share tips for explaining – if necessary – frightening events to young children while still making them feel safe.

It’s normal for children to be concerned. Just as adults become alarmed or even fearful, children also can feel these emotions. It is important to understand what the child has heard or knows before going into details.

Consider your own reaction. Your children will look to the way you handle difficult topics in the news to determine their own approach. If you stay calm, they will too.

Take a break from the news. While you may be interested in the latest developments, your children may not be able to handle hearing or watching the information. The American Psychological Association recommends limiting the amount of time spent watching news reports, as constant exposure may actually heighten a child’s anxiety and fears. Our parenting educators point out that it is more than just television. “In our 24/7 news culture, access to news includes the use of computers, tablets/iPads, and cell phones.”

Answer questions without unnecessary details. Even if you limit news exposure in your home, chances are your children may hear details. Ask your child what they have heard, don’t assume they know the facts. Listen to them. Acknowledge how they are feeling. Keep details to a minimum. It’s okay to say "I don’t know." We don’t always have the answers.

Do not minimize their concerns or fears. Talk to your children about the things that are being done on a daily basis to keep them safe – such as holding their hand in a parking lot or buckling them in their car seat, for example. Children oftentimes want to be told they are safe and that we do the things we need to do to protect them. Remind them that you are there for them and to come to you if they have fears.